Normally I regret all of my impulse purchases and Mike normally disapproves, however my latest one I think he quite liked.
I got given a reading week in University, so on the Friday afternoon I booked a flight to California for the week, I flew out on the Saturday morning. It was such a rush and a last minute idea but I'm so so so glad I did it though.
For the week I worked at the camp that I worked on 2 years ago where I met Mike. It was strange to go back and see how the camp had changed. There is soo many more kids there now. The biggest week I had during my summer was 60 kids, I think the least they have this year is about 100-120. And they have sooo much more staff too. There was people everywhere. It was really good to see how the camp has expanded and grown. Mike works so hard for the camp and puts in a lot of hours, he spent a lot of time whilst he was here doing things, and I could see where all that work had gone.
I got to meet the Camp Director too who didn't work there when I was there but started last year. I had heard so much about him that it was nice to finally meet him in person. It was also nice to meet all the other counselors and staff because I had heard stories from Mike so it was lovely to be able to put a face to the name. Everyone was super nice, I was so nervous going there because they had all known each other for at least 2 weeks and had made close friendships that I thought they might be a bit weary of me coming in just for a week. But I am their boss's girlfriend so I guess they had to be nice to me.
The week went by really quickly, too quick actually. It took me about a day and half of to get used to things and remember certain things but after that it was like I hadn't been away. They sang a lot of different songs though so I just mimed and did the hand motions to try and get away with it. I was working with the 5-6 year olds, so I had my hands full, I had forgotten how tiring they were. But also how much fun they can be. A few of the kids who were there 2 years ago were back, that was strange to see how much they had grown up. A few remembered me, a few didn't which kind of broke my heart a little but its understandable that they didn't.
I got to spend some time with Mike which was lovely! We went for food one night and the basketball game was on so he was super happy. It was strange being with him when he was in his country. I was totally dependent on him which I'm not used to. But I could defiantly get used to being driven around everywhere. He asked me if I wanted to drive which I quickly declined. Their roads scare me, all the cars are so big and they just seem to go in any directions they want to. As we were driving back to the airport I kind of got used to it and thought a few times that maybe I would be okay, but I will defiantly need a few lessons first, which will be amusing.
It was super exciting to be there and think that I could potentially be living there in a few months. It made me more determined and excited to find a way of getting out there. It did make me realize that it's going to take so much hard work, but I've seen it now and I have that image of me driving down their freeway in my mind so I've got a new lease of enthusiasm about the whole thing.
Even though it cost me a fair bit of money to go I'm so glad I did. Before I went out there I was seriously finding things hard. Mike was so busy that we only got to message a few times a day. It was okay for a while but then it just started to get to me. Its hard not being able to talk to the person you want to the most. I don't know if/how I would have managed the summer if I hadn't gone out to see him. After seeing it for myself I can understand how he is so busy, and now if there is a long gap in messages I can figure out what he is doing and it makes it better. Its still super hard though and I know its going to get super tough again but I really don't have long left now. I've never been more excited to finish something in my life.
Flossy x
Friday 29 June 2012
Tuesday 12 June 2012
There's nothing wrong with having big dreams...
Lately I've been thinking alot about goals and setting targets for a number of reasons really what with all of my exams and essay's I've had lately and with the end of my course finally getting closer.
As children were told to follow our dreams and go for whatever we want in life. And I do think that's a great attribute to teach your children as it encourages and drives them to better themselves, and to learn and experience as much as possible. But now as I've got older I can also see the downside of setting goals. I feel that there is no problem in having big dreams, however I think that it is SO important to learn how to be realistic when setting those.
There is no better feeling than when you achieve a goal you have set yourself, actually I think it's probably the most satisfying feeling you can ever get. But when you don't achieve your goal or when you realize and have to accept that the dream you've been chasing will never come true its probably the worst feeling you can have, especially if that dream is one you have been chasing for years.
I can understand why people do give up on things if they become tough or they see their dreams slipping away. It takes a strong person to keep going when it seems like everything is against them. I wonder how many dreams people have given up on because of this. Luckily for me I realized from a young age that I was never going to be a pop star, actress or model so I don't have to worry about that. But some people have to achieve their dreams, the world will always need celebrities so someones got to make the cut.
The reason I started to think about this whole topic more is because I've started to realize that one of my dreams may not turn out quite how I wanted it to, and it has really got to me. I hate failing at things, I've never been good at admitting defeat. I'm very overcritical of myself anyway, so when I fail I always take it out hard on myself and question what I could have done differently. I know that this can sometimes be a good thing because you can better yourself and learn from your mistakes. But when you actually haven't made any mistakes and the reason your dream cant come true is because of something out of your control then it makes it even harder to accept.
I'll still continue setting myself goals because they keep me driven, give me a sense of perspective and something to aim for. But from now on I will defiantly think more carefully about things that could go wrong and maybe not set my heart on it coming true. That might even make that satisfying feeling even greater if I do achieve that goal then.
Even though I've realized that my dream may not quite turn out how I planned I'm still defiantly chasing it and it WILL come true one day. It's just going to take a little bit longer than I thought and take more hard work, but I am not admitting defeat just yet. Its strange when your feeling down you remember the strangest things and they can help you so much. I was in the shower (where I do my best thinking) and I remembered something my Great Grandma told me one day when I told her what I wanted to do when I grow up and said I didn't think I could do it. It instantly made me happy and restored the faith I had lost. Its so true when people say the older you get the wiser you get. So I've restored that drive and ambition and I'm going for my dream, I wont stop until I achieve it.
Here are my Great Grandma's amazing wise words:
Flossy x
As children were told to follow our dreams and go for whatever we want in life. And I do think that's a great attribute to teach your children as it encourages and drives them to better themselves, and to learn and experience as much as possible. But now as I've got older I can also see the downside of setting goals. I feel that there is no problem in having big dreams, however I think that it is SO important to learn how to be realistic when setting those.
There is no better feeling than when you achieve a goal you have set yourself, actually I think it's probably the most satisfying feeling you can ever get. But when you don't achieve your goal or when you realize and have to accept that the dream you've been chasing will never come true its probably the worst feeling you can have, especially if that dream is one you have been chasing for years.
I can understand why people do give up on things if they become tough or they see their dreams slipping away. It takes a strong person to keep going when it seems like everything is against them. I wonder how many dreams people have given up on because of this. Luckily for me I realized from a young age that I was never going to be a pop star, actress or model so I don't have to worry about that. But some people have to achieve their dreams, the world will always need celebrities so someones got to make the cut.
The reason I started to think about this whole topic more is because I've started to realize that one of my dreams may not turn out quite how I wanted it to, and it has really got to me. I hate failing at things, I've never been good at admitting defeat. I'm very overcritical of myself anyway, so when I fail I always take it out hard on myself and question what I could have done differently. I know that this can sometimes be a good thing because you can better yourself and learn from your mistakes. But when you actually haven't made any mistakes and the reason your dream cant come true is because of something out of your control then it makes it even harder to accept.
I'll still continue setting myself goals because they keep me driven, give me a sense of perspective and something to aim for. But from now on I will defiantly think more carefully about things that could go wrong and maybe not set my heart on it coming true. That might even make that satisfying feeling even greater if I do achieve that goal then.
Even though I've realized that my dream may not quite turn out how I planned I'm still defiantly chasing it and it WILL come true one day. It's just going to take a little bit longer than I thought and take more hard work, but I am not admitting defeat just yet. Its strange when your feeling down you remember the strangest things and they can help you so much. I was in the shower (where I do my best thinking) and I remembered something my Great Grandma told me one day when I told her what I wanted to do when I grow up and said I didn't think I could do it. It instantly made me happy and restored the faith I had lost. Its so true when people say the older you get the wiser you get. So I've restored that drive and ambition and I'm going for my dream, I wont stop until I achieve it.
Here are my Great Grandma's amazing wise words:
''There's nothing wrong with having big dreams... Whats wrong is not doing all you can to make them come true''
Flossy x
Sunday 10 June 2012
Sober
In the last few years one of the hardest decisions I've had to make is choosing to not drink alcohol anymore. Not because I miss it or anything like that but purely because of the drinking culture and society here. Here everyone drinks, it is the norm, its what you do, its part of growing up.
We're all around it from a young age, our parents go to the pub and all of us kids play outside on the field. And whenever someone had a party or at Christmas there was always alcohol around. My parents in no way had drinking problems in fact they barely drank at all, they just had one or two on big occasions. I remember always wanting to have a drop of champagne in my lemonade at Christmas so I could be 'one of the grown ups'.
Teenagers here start sneaking alcohol out and drinking it probably about 15 years old. However I know some people who were 12 or 13 when they first started drinking, not regularly but whenever they could get some. I think I was about 16 when I first started drinking. By that I mean having one or two Bacardi Breezers (alcopops) down the beach where we all used to go on Friday and Saturday nights.
I think my parents taught me very well about drinking and the dangers of it growing up. They never used to make it a big thing, they were open with me about it, and answered any questions I ever asked about it. If at big occasions they were there to look after me all the time they would let me have a sip of something not spirits though, just cider, larger or beer (all of which were gross!) so that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out and as a way to try and reduce it being seen as such a big thing that I had to run out and do as early as possible. I just had to ask and if they thought it was safe then they would let me have a sip and if they said no I knew it meant no and there was a reason for it.
I think that's part of the reason I started drinking later on than most people and I rarely drank to excess. Plus I've always been a huge mother hen so as soon as I see someone who's not well and has had too much to drink I always end up looking after them. So that stopped me too, because guaranteed there was always someone there who needed looking after. I don't mind looking after people at the end of the day that's just part of who I am, and its what I've decided to do for the rest of my life. However I do sometimes feel like some people take advantage of that fact. They know that as long as I'm there they will have someone to look after them. I also feel sometimes that I've missed out on things because of the amount of times I've had to leave somewhere early to take someone home. So sometimes I do get annoyed with it but I cant change how I am.
The biggest deciding factor that made me stop drinking was my job. I don't know how many times I have picked people up who have no idea where they are, how they got there, who they are and cant even hold themselves up and loose all control of their body. Its really scary to see, Especially when it's young girls, anything could happen to them. I sometimes wish I could film them and then show them the next day as a way of making them realize. But the sad thing is, is that they would probably find it funny, and just go out and do it again. How can they not learn! Its also a frustrating part of the job having to go to people who have got in that mess intentionally and continue to do it when we could be going and helping someone who actually needs up. I think people need to have a lot more education on the impact of them calling an ambulance has on the hospitals and on other people. I think that would help reduce the numbers of calls we go to and maybe even stop people from drinking quite so much and getting in such a bad way.
What makes me angry more than anything is people who think they have to drink in order to have fun. Whenever people say that I have to bite my tongue. It's ridiculous. Of course you can have fun without drinking, we all did it for the first how ever many years of our lives, we do it everyday when we don't drink. And I know I have had some pretty good times when I'm sober. Actually all of my favourite moments of my life have been when I was just with my friends and not a drop of alcohol in sight.
I haven't been an angel, far from it, especially when I was in University the first time around. I'd say 4 out of 7 nights we were out. My pre-drinking consisted of at least a bottle of wine and then I would spend about £40 when I was out. Looking back on it now it makes me feel sick. However I never ever got into the state where I had to rely on someone else to look after me, but still that is nothing to be proud of. It is just the thing to do in University. People don't go to the best University anymore or the one that will give them the best chance of a good degree, they go to the ones with the best student and social life.
Its still hard when I go out because all of my friends still drink and don't understand why I don't, so they try and get me to drink with them. At first I always found myself caving and having a drink then regretting it as soon as I had drunk it. Now however, I have got a backbone and don't feel bad saying to people 'No I don't drink anymore'. I think they have all also got used to me not drinking so don't even bother asking. It means they get a free lift now, so even if they do complain its not for very long.
A few of my friends used to say I only stopped drinking because of Mike (because he doesn't drink and has never tried it, (which is something I admire)). It is completely untrue. I had stopped drinking before I had even met Mike. When I came back from camp though I had matured alot and found that I was able to finally stand up for myself. So that's when I started saying no and sticking to it. I can see why people think that though I suppose.
Now I know I can go out and have a great night with my friends, enjoy myself, laugh, dance and not wake up in the morning feeling like death, dreading to look at my bank balance and with all my memory intact knowing that I did not do anything I would regret.
Flossy x
We're all around it from a young age, our parents go to the pub and all of us kids play outside on the field. And whenever someone had a party or at Christmas there was always alcohol around. My parents in no way had drinking problems in fact they barely drank at all, they just had one or two on big occasions. I remember always wanting to have a drop of champagne in my lemonade at Christmas so I could be 'one of the grown ups'.
Teenagers here start sneaking alcohol out and drinking it probably about 15 years old. However I know some people who were 12 or 13 when they first started drinking, not regularly but whenever they could get some. I think I was about 16 when I first started drinking. By that I mean having one or two Bacardi Breezers (alcopops) down the beach where we all used to go on Friday and Saturday nights.
I think my parents taught me very well about drinking and the dangers of it growing up. They never used to make it a big thing, they were open with me about it, and answered any questions I ever asked about it. If at big occasions they were there to look after me all the time they would let me have a sip of something not spirits though, just cider, larger or beer (all of which were gross!) so that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out and as a way to try and reduce it being seen as such a big thing that I had to run out and do as early as possible. I just had to ask and if they thought it was safe then they would let me have a sip and if they said no I knew it meant no and there was a reason for it.
I think that's part of the reason I started drinking later on than most people and I rarely drank to excess. Plus I've always been a huge mother hen so as soon as I see someone who's not well and has had too much to drink I always end up looking after them. So that stopped me too, because guaranteed there was always someone there who needed looking after. I don't mind looking after people at the end of the day that's just part of who I am, and its what I've decided to do for the rest of my life. However I do sometimes feel like some people take advantage of that fact. They know that as long as I'm there they will have someone to look after them. I also feel sometimes that I've missed out on things because of the amount of times I've had to leave somewhere early to take someone home. So sometimes I do get annoyed with it but I cant change how I am.
The biggest deciding factor that made me stop drinking was my job. I don't know how many times I have picked people up who have no idea where they are, how they got there, who they are and cant even hold themselves up and loose all control of their body. Its really scary to see, Especially when it's young girls, anything could happen to them. I sometimes wish I could film them and then show them the next day as a way of making them realize. But the sad thing is, is that they would probably find it funny, and just go out and do it again. How can they not learn! Its also a frustrating part of the job having to go to people who have got in that mess intentionally and continue to do it when we could be going and helping someone who actually needs up. I think people need to have a lot more education on the impact of them calling an ambulance has on the hospitals and on other people. I think that would help reduce the numbers of calls we go to and maybe even stop people from drinking quite so much and getting in such a bad way.
What makes me angry more than anything is people who think they have to drink in order to have fun. Whenever people say that I have to bite my tongue. It's ridiculous. Of course you can have fun without drinking, we all did it for the first how ever many years of our lives, we do it everyday when we don't drink. And I know I have had some pretty good times when I'm sober. Actually all of my favourite moments of my life have been when I was just with my friends and not a drop of alcohol in sight.
I haven't been an angel, far from it, especially when I was in University the first time around. I'd say 4 out of 7 nights we were out. My pre-drinking consisted of at least a bottle of wine and then I would spend about £40 when I was out. Looking back on it now it makes me feel sick. However I never ever got into the state where I had to rely on someone else to look after me, but still that is nothing to be proud of. It is just the thing to do in University. People don't go to the best University anymore or the one that will give them the best chance of a good degree, they go to the ones with the best student and social life.
Its still hard when I go out because all of my friends still drink and don't understand why I don't, so they try and get me to drink with them. At first I always found myself caving and having a drink then regretting it as soon as I had drunk it. Now however, I have got a backbone and don't feel bad saying to people 'No I don't drink anymore'. I think they have all also got used to me not drinking so don't even bother asking. It means they get a free lift now, so even if they do complain its not for very long.
A few of my friends used to say I only stopped drinking because of Mike (because he doesn't drink and has never tried it, (which is something I admire)). It is completely untrue. I had stopped drinking before I had even met Mike. When I came back from camp though I had matured alot and found that I was able to finally stand up for myself. So that's when I started saying no and sticking to it. I can see why people think that though I suppose.
Now I know I can go out and have a great night with my friends, enjoy myself, laugh, dance and not wake up in the morning feeling like death, dreading to look at my bank balance and with all my memory intact knowing that I did not do anything I would regret.
Flossy x
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