I watched a programme tonight called 'Care Home Children: Looking For Love' and even though I know that not everyone was fortunate to have a good upbringing like I had, it really upsets me to think of kids growing up not knowing what its like to have a family and feel loved.
I had the best childhood I could have ever imagined. I cant even explain to people how much I loved it. I grew up on a estate with about 10 other children of a similar age and we hung out all the time. We would be out playing straight after breakfast and didn't go in until it got dark. We'd take it in turn which house we would go to to get a drink and snack then we'd go straight back out. It was so much fun. I was given all the opportunities, support, encouragement, love and advice I could ask for.
Watching that program made me realize how lucky I am. I think the most important thing a child can have growing up is stability and these children had none. One of the boys moved house 35 times in 2 years. I cant even imagine that. And as a result they never let anyone in or get to close for fear of them leaving.
I know when I was growing up I accused my parents of loving my brother more than me or not loving me at all and ruining my life if I wasn't allowed to go somewhere or not have something. That's embarrassing now to look back on and it makes me sound spoilt (which I wasn't) I knew deep down that wasn't the case and I was loved, but I think most children feel like that at some stages its part of growing up and its an important lesson in learning boundaries and accepting when you cant have things your own way. But for these children that is basically their reality. They don't have anyone who cares enough for them to take them in and give them a home and love, or maybe their parents care too much and that's why they give them away because they know they cant give that child the things they deserve and need. But either way they grow up not knowing what its like to be part of a family and feel safe and supported.
Those children who go through care are more likely to end up in prison, homeless and with mental health issues. And half of girls who grow up in care are mothers before the age of 18. I'm 22 and I cannot even imagine having a child right now let alone 4 or more years ago. Its crazy to think how different their lives could be if they just had someone or someplace stable in their lives.
When I was growing up I always wanted to own a 'fat' camp with a lake and a blob on it, so children who struggled with their weight like I did could have somewhere to go and not feel bullied, ugly or like a misfit. I would still love to have that one day. I would be on that blob more than anyone, it looks so much fun. Its definitely on my bucket list of things to do in my life.
I feel that people have become much more selfish and greedy, years ago people used to do everything they could to help people even if it meant they would struggle themselves. Now everyone just looks after number 1. I used to be really naive and shallow minded about history. I used to say 'its in the past so leave it in the past' but over the past 2 years during my placements I have realized how immature, ignorant and wrong I was and I'm embarrassed to even admit how I used to think.
I have met people who were in World War 1 and 2 and fought for our country in various other battles too. I've been bought to tears a few times listening to their stories, part of it is also my guilt for having disregarded what they did and how I thought before. Those gentlemen are amazing and they are true hero's. I could listen to their stories all day. Some of the stories they tell you just cant even comprehend. One man was in a Japanese prison of war camp for 7 years, and his stories were truly shocking but I'm so lucky to have been able to hear them.
Watching the show made me really upset me and think about what I could do to help. I genuinely love helping people, I always feel the need to help people because I hate to see people upset, hurt and lonely especially when there so much we can do to help and there's no need for them to be in that situation.
I always used to think about adoption and thought it would be nice but I never considered fostering a child. Now I definitely will if I am able to. I definitely want children of my own, its one of my biggest goals and ambitions in life, quite how many children I'm not sure of just yet. I want to have enough money for each of them to have their own room and to be able to give them all the opportunities, support, encouragement and love they could ask for. I want my children to be able to turn around and say just like I can that I had they best childhood possible and best parents they could ask for.
That's one of the reasons why I love my job so much, because I can help and care for people and I do feel like I can give something back. Even some people who call when they aren't injured or ill, they just want company and someone to listen to them, I'm more than happy to be that person. No one likes to be alone no matter what they say or how they act. I would be more than happy to do my job for the rest of my life but I know that one day I wont be able to because of how physically demanding it is. So I'd love to either work somewhere where they offer care to people or set up and own my own business. My problem is I'd want to help everyone and as much as people like to think they can you have to be realistic. I don't know whether I'd want to help young children so that they have the best chance at life. The elderly, because people forget about them and my biggest fear in life is being alone when I'm old so I don't want to think of anyone being like that. Or maybe help families and try and help them be as happy as possible or maybe even homeless, drug or alcohol dependent people.
Hmmmm we'll I've got to complete my course first to even enable me to do my dream job, one more exam and then hopefully I'm all done. Ive only got 19 more days in University. Im so excited!!!
Flossy x
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